Walking to Bethlehem: 3rd of 7 Sundays in Spring... by Fern Smith

They say on a Vision Quest that you get the weather you need. You might wish for warm, balmy dry days and you get thunder, lightning and endless rain. For ‘Women Walking’, the third of the ‘7 Sundays in Spring’ gatherings, I was keeping my fingers crossed for a dry day. I am a person who likes structure and certainty. Like many artists I love the dreaming and visioning process (perhaps the most) and then comes the more precise work of ‘making it happen’. For me, this part seems to involve a lot of admin, time in front of the computer-screen, shaping the invites and even more time sending them out via email, making lists, doing my own ‘risk assessments’ (though I don’t normally call it that) and doing as much as I can to prepare for every scenario and eventuality. ‘The art of hosting’ which is a practise that sometimes looks effortless is something which I’m endlessly fascinated by and still learning. It is the product of many hours preparation.

Photo: David Perkins

These ‘7 Sundays in Spring’ represented my fourth and final ‘residency’ as part of my Arts Council of Wales ‘Creative Wales’, journey. Each Sunday involves a specific invitation to ‘all the women I’ve ever met’ to join me in a particular activity. We’ve had ‘Women Making’ in Swansea, ‘Women in the Woods’ in Dinefwr and this Sunday - 4^th March 2018 - it was ‘Women Walking’. Not just women walking anywhere, but a specifically chosen route that has significance in terms of making pilgrimage. All the Sundays have a particular intention, which given the location and the activity feels right. The intention for ‘Women Walking’ was: 

"Contemplate the importance of walking and making pilgrimage (as well as doing it!); reflect on our connection to spirituality, deep nature and the mystery of life and to consider and share what supports us during these chaotic and unpredictable times."

Photo: Pippa Bondy

I called this 3rd Sunday, 'Walking to Salem' - the  plan was to walk to ‘Capel Salem’ from Harlech. Specifically, from Theatr Ardudwy along the Wales Coastal Path to the beautiful pilgrim’s church at Llandanwg and then onwards to Pentre Gwynfryn’s chapel which is the site of the painting of the iconic Welsh painting: ‘Salem’, by Sidney Curnow Vosper. The painting was acquired by a wealthy industrialist and used to promote the Lever brothers popular brand of ‘Sunlight’ soap bars. Seven soap tokens could be exchanged for a reproduction of the painting. According to Wikipedia: “this ensured the painting became widely and uniquely popular amongst the working-class communities of Britain, especially in Wales.” It was after all a depiction of Welsh piety, even though the main subject of the painting, Sian Owen, is accused of having a devil up (or on) her sleeve. This is a fascinating place and story and the walk was originally suggested to me by Pauline Williams, board member of Theatr Ardudwy, who has been working tirelessly to negotiate the theatre to stay open in the hope of it in future becoming a thriving community hub. Theatr Ardudwy is possibly one of the most beautiful theatres in Wales in the most impressive of locations, sitting atop and over-looking the majestic sweep of Cardigan Bay with views across to the Llyn Peninsula on one side and the Snowdon range on the other.

Photo: Pippa Bondy

 

As part of my meticulous advanced planning my partner Phil, our dogs Betty and Jaffa and I carried out a recce of the walk in late January. The weather was beautiful. Clear blue skies, sun all day long and far-reaching views.  We spent time (dogs too) in the little Pilgrim’s church, taking advantage of being the only visitors by reading aloud the scary passages from ‘Revelations’ as well as some poetry by Mary Oliver from the pulpit. We then walked over the saltmarshes, inland, through snowdrop woods, via the pretty lanes and Cycle Route Number 8 (the great Lon Las North/South Wales long-distance route) through Pentre Gwynfryn to Capel Salem, final destination of our pilgrimage. We first spent time sitting outside the locked doors of the wrong church, before serendipitously running into Catrin Jones, the elderly custodian of Capel Salem (and keeper of Sian Owen’s famous shawl), who tells us that the chapel we want is another ten minutes up the road – but that’s another story… Capel Salem is really worth a visit. A reproduction of the painting is on the wall. The original clock, coat-hooks and wooden ‘sheep-pen’ chapel-pews are still there. The chapel is always open, clearly loved, well-maintained, regularly visited and still used for services. It felt welcoming and warm and not just because of the electric pull-string heaters. We spent time there, soaking up the atmosphere - Phil speaking aloud a few poems he’d learnt by heart.  I  cast a few weeks forward in my mind to Sunday 4^th March, imagining and savouring the final words, poems and reflections we ‘Walking Women’ would share at the end of our planned pilgrimage.

Photo: Pippa Bondy

As the day in question approached, less and less women are able to join. There had been 13 women for ‘Women Making’, 16 women for ‘Women in the Woods’. It looked like we were going to be 7 for ‘Women Walking’. The ‘7 Sundays in Spring’ project is less about scale than about creating a ritual activity over time. Many women are involving themselves in the project in different ways, by sending words from a distance, reading the blogs as well as actually coming on the 7 Sundays. The eventual plan is to write a book about the 7 Sundays project as part of my wider ‘Who Do You Think You Are?’ enquiry. So, we were going to be small in number but we had all committed to walk. We had booked Bed & Breakfasts in Harlech, made travel arrangements, bought train tickets. The plan was to converge on the steps of the theatre. Originally, we were going to meet in the café of Theatr Ardudwy but since its untimely, recent closure our plan changed to meet on the steps and take it from there.

On Sunday 25^th February for ‘Women in the Woods’ we were commenting about the gentle weather and some of us enjoying snoozes under the trees of Dinefwr Park.

And then the weather came in…

The ‘Beast from the East’ arrived hot on the heels of ‘Women in the Woods’ and stayed for a week. It brought with it gale force winds, sub-zero temperatures with even lower wind-chill factors, sleet, snow, ice, frozen-pipes, burst-pipes, roof-high snow-drifts, cancelled trains and a milk, bread and fresh veg run on our local Co-op. Over a week later, food and fuel were still being helicoptered in to parts of Cumbria. 

And with the weather came uncertainty, unpredictability and insecurity. A trinity of most uncomfortable but most powerful life-teachers. On Wednesday evening, I began wondering if I was going to be able to make the journey over the high roads of mid Wales to get to Harlech. I had three options: carry on regardless; cancel; or re-think. There was little time to change plans though I didn’t want to cancel. Some of our group who had bought train tickets in advance and others who really wanted to do the planned walk told me they were still committed to coming. On Thursday, I got an email from Pauline, my ‘woman on the ground’ in Harlech. It said:

"Severe & dangerous winds today. No public transport. Criccieth High St shut due to danger of falling tiles. No electricity in the Harlech/Llanbedr area due to fallen trees (esp in Llanbedr). Until trees are cleared electricity board can’t restore power. Slates flying off roofs in Llandanwg. Part of the roof off at Ysgol Ardudwy. 

My family live in Harlech & are in touch with the community so are aware of the situation first hand. Risk assessment for walking = severe! 

Even my walking friend (an avid all-weather walker) is staying put today - and questions the viability & safety of the planned Sunday walk."

If I’d ever needed convincing, I was now convinced. And, of course I was disappointed… “My beautiful walk…” There followed two of the most uncomfortable days I’ve had for a long time. Sitting in uncertainty, doubt, failure even. The feeling of discomfort was bodily. Brene Brown, the American researcher onVulnerability, talks about the “warm wash of shame.” I’ve experienced this many times and it’s a brilliant and accurate description. This wasn’t a warm wash but I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, prickly, tender, bruised even. This was the bodily feeling of ‘not-knowing’, feeling responsible for things going wrong, feeling a failure (I know it sounds crazy) and as though I’d let people down. These 7 women had chosen to walk with me. They had spent time planning their journey as well as money buying advance travel tickets and deposits on B & B’s. I couldn’t do anything about it. The country was in meltdown AND I still somehow felt responsible! Sitting in the midst of uncertainty, discomfort and difficulty is something which I find near impossible. What if I cancelled and then the weather changes and we could actually have done it anyway?  There was no knowing. I had to make a decision without all the information. I didn’t have the whole picture. I had no way of casting forward into the future and knowing what was going to happen in the next few days.

I spent all day Thursday on the phone to my original walkers, explaining that Sunday might look a little different than we’d all envisaged. “Women Walking can still happen. We can walk with the same shared intention but we can walk from where we already are – even if that is just from our front door to the great wall of snow at the end of our garden….” I could hear disappointment in the voices of some, relief in others. The up-side of this new ‘self-organised, emergent’ plan, was that many others might be able to join us. I re-worded the invitation and on Friday and Saturday sent it out to a number of the women who’d taken an interest in the project from the outset, with an invitation for those women to pass it on to others. 

"Join me in a self-organised piece of walking art, a ceremony, a prayer... Walk at day-break, sun-down, one mile, as long as you can manage, walk with a poem, a song, a dedication, mark a threshold.. Or any, or all of these..."

 

And so, something else happened - entirely different from my best laid plans.

Instead of making a pilgrimage to Salem – which of course derives its name from Jerusalem - as the result of a week which was clearly teaching me to ‘let go of outcome’ and surrender to ‘what is’… I decided to turn things on their head and walk to Bethlehem. From a place associated with death and crucifixion, instead, to one of birth and new possibilities. I’d always wanted to go to Bethlehem – the mid Wales one. It was only a twelve-mile round walk from Dinefwr Park. “There’s nothing there” - my partner Phil warned me. The post-office closed down a few years ago, previously the site of chaotic activity once a year when throngs would descend on the village to get their Christmas cards stamped. (You can now get them stamped at the village hall – but that’s another story).

Photo: Fern Smith

And so, at dawn - 7am on Sunday 4^th March 2018 - I departed from my home in readiness for a 7-hour walk. The water gushing from the taps for the first time in four pipe-frozen days, as if in celebration of my pilgrimage. I walked alone. I walked with many. I walked with a Rilke poem

I live my life in widening circles

That reach out across the world

I may not complete this last one

But I will give myself to it.

I circle around God, around the primordial tower.
I've been circling for thousands of years

And I still don’t know;

Am I a falcon, a storm or a great song.

On this the 3^rd of my ‘7 Sundays in Spring’, I got the weather I did not want. But I think I got the weather I needed. Instead of 7 of us walking, we numbered 44 women and 1 man in total. As a result of a few invitations going out, within 24 hours, there was an immediate response to the call. Women were walking, connecting to one another across time and space with a personal reflection and a collective intention. Women were walking all over the country, solo and together in rural and urban surroundings - in the rain, the sun and the snow. Women were walking everywhere...

In the run-up to International Women’s Day 2018, I remember my original invitation to ‘All The Women I’ve ever Met’ to join me in this project:

"Yes, this is about sisterhood. Yes, this is about “hashtag me too.” Yes, this is about identifying as women witnessing the beauty and the sorrow of this time. It’s also about honouring the fragile nature of life at a time where things and people appear to be falling apart on a daily basis."

Photo: Phil Ralph

These words are dedicated, with gratitude and joy to all the Women Walking:

Andy walked in Bath 
Amalia walked in Cambridgeshire
Anna who walked in Swansea

Anne who walked in Cardigan

Annzella who walked in Gower

Avi who walked in the Dyfi Valley

Carol who walked in Hereford

Chris who walked in Swansea

Christine who walked in Herefordshire

Clare and Charlotte who walked in Hastings
Donna who walked in Swansea

Di who walked in Northumberland

Eleanor who walked in Leamington

Emily who walked in the Swansea Valley
Fern who walked in Carmarthenshire

Frances who walked in Yorkshire
Gilly who walked in Cardiff
Holli who walked in Gower

Janne and Sarah who walked in Pershore
Jasmine who walked in Ceredigion

Jay and Judy who walked in the Swansea Valley

Jenny M who walked in Bath

Jenny W who walked in mid Wales

Jess who walked in Ceredigion

Jessica and 2 friends who walked in Malmesbury

Jo who walked in Pembrokeshire
Judith who walked in Harrow-on-the-Hill

Louisa who walked in Eastbourne

Lucy C who walked in London

Lucy N and Anna who walked in Wells

Meg who walked in London

Micki who walked in Gower

Lucy who walked in London
Nicky who walked in Northumberland

Pauline, Anne and Maria who walked along the Menai Estuary
Trish who walked in Devon
Wendy who walked in London

…And to Patrick who walked in Whaley Bridge.

A few days later, the snow has disappeared. The big thaw has begun. Everything looks as if it is emerging from a mighty shock. I find myself reflecting on the events of this time. In one way, it was a complete failure - my planned walk did not happen. In every other way, it was perfect – the only and the best thing that could have happened. Earth Pilgrim and peace activist, Satish Kumar, who I’ve been lucky enough to walk and spend time with, talks about the difference between being a tourist and being a pilgrim: “A tourist expects whilst a pilgrim accepts.” Perhaps the journey of my walk was to move from the first to the second. It’s not the particular route or the destination that counts – the teaching is in the way one walks. Especially if the way is uncertain or unclear, improvisation is what is needed. When will I learn that plans are made so they can be surrendered? Yes, the plan is important – but I have a richer experience as soon as I let go of control, and truly understand that I never really had it in the first place.

Photo: Fern Smith

7 Sundays in Spring continues until 1st April 2018. Contact me if you would like to participate. 

Fern is Recipient of a 2017 Creative Wales arts Award.
For more information go to www.emergence-uk.org

R50: Walking our Talk with Satish Kumar

Fifty people were invited to walk fifty miles with Satish Kumar to mark his 80^th birthday and celebrate fifty years of Resurgence Magazine. I was lucky enough to be one of them… Satish, for those who don’t know is a former Jain monk and one of the world’s great peace activists who most definitely walks his talk in the world as founder of The Small School, editor of Resurgence & Ecologist Magazine and one of the guiding lights and founders at Schumacher College in Devon.  Satish has made many significant pilgrimages throughout his life and the plan to celebrate his birthday and Resurgence’s 50^th by walking came to him during the filming of Emergence’s documentary series ‘Being an Earth Pilgrim’ last year.

Photo of Satish Kumar, Ruth Davey 

There and then he committed to walking from the source of the Thames, along the river and into Oxford arriving in time for ‘R50,’ a major celebratory conference with speakers and participants attending from all over the world to be held at Worcester College in Oxford. He would not walk alone but with anyone wanting to walk with him. This was a significant event for the all reasons listed above and also for me personally, it marked a formal completion to a very significant three month walk - my ‘Grail Quest’, my ‘Fools Errand’ around Wales I’d begun earlier in the year on 17^th June...

18^th September

The Resurgence 50th anniversary walk official meeting point was at the New Inn Hotel, Lechlade-on-Thames. Thirty-six of us - all issued with a candle and a bright orange, 'One Earth, One Humanity, One Future' T-shirts and name tabards stood in a circle for the official welcome and route briefing. A few words from Satish and then we were off. The Badgers - Keith and Debbie were the first I met - they'd given a generous contribution to our crowdfund campaign last year to make Emergence’s landmark documentary series, ‘Being an Earth Pilgrim’ on Satish Kumar which we were due to launch at the forthcoming R50 celebratory gathering later in the week at our destination, Oxford. The Badgers were over from Australia to do the walk and attend the Oxford event. He told me about his epiphany of a walk - four and a half months from John O'Groats to Lands End, him and Debbie walking together. Before the walk he’d been a successful accountant and businessman. He said, returning from the walk, going home and opening his closet with all his clothes and non-essential stuff had completely derailed him. Something happened in his body which rebelled against a return to 'business as usual' he thought he was having a breakdown and then spent months after trying to understand what was going on. Someone gave him Satish's book 'NoDestination' to read, he took a trip to Schumacher College and then and there started remaking his life building on new values he didn't even know he had. He's writing a book about it now, on his third draft.

R50 Walkers, photo Debby Badger

Going into silence between conversations was a balm to the senses. Conversation, however rich, pulls me out of my senses and into my head. The walk was facilitated so we had opportunities to talk but also chance to look at the river, the trees, the sky, still the mind and deeply connect to the places we were moving through. Then a walk and talk with Muchti, Satish and his wife June Mitchell’s son, one of the first students to go to ‘The Small School' in Hartland Devon, started by Satish for primary and secondary age kids. Muchti, a brilliant mind with a big heart was a carpenter and scientist who'd built his own boat, developed the Resurgence Carbon Calculator and now ran the company 'Cosy Homes' developing new ways of reducing the carbon footprint of old and listed housing stock - practical, down to earth and passionate.

At lunchtime Satish talked to us about the spirit of pilgrimage, "a tourist expects, whereas a pilgrim accepts". The day was more talk than walk, but walk we did - six and a half miles to The Swan Inn, Radcot. On arrival, our group dispersed to our various campsites and B&B's for the evening to digest the day and prepare for the following.

Reflections on the Thames, photo Fern Smith

19^th September

Our second day was cool and damp from the start. Soft, light rain came in just before noon and stayed for the duration. Our group was a little changed, a few new and a few missing from yesterday. The Thames was broader, seemingly more present and certainly wider than yesterday, gentle khaki green without a ripple. The conversations seemed more spacious, less frenetic (or was it just that I’d relaxed?), everything settling into a deeper rhythm. I spoke with Susie, psychiatrist turned psychotherapist who'd worked a lifetime in the NHS, then Claire a volunteer now facilitator at Schumacher College about alchemy and seagulls, Ying a Chinese student just finishing the economics masters at Schumacher on the I Ching, Vision Quests and the greening of China. She mentioned a phrase from one of her teachers that resonated strongly: "We are not here to save the world we are here to serve the mystery". I wanted to get a T-shirt printed with that one on.

Fewer stops today as the drizzle kept coming. Abundant and ever-present blackberries that we snacked on constantly. Wet feet tramping through wet grass by early afternoon. Still, the rain was gentle and no chill wind drove us onward. We arrived at 'The Rose Revived' our final stop of the day to copious cups of tea bought by Satish and began the long slow dry out. Someone thought me a gardener or farmer for the dark dirt under my fingernails. They were mistaken, it was from eating a chocolate muffin earlier…

We had arrived at our halfway point along the Thames path on our pilgrimage to Oxford. Our merry band drying out wet shoes in preparation for the third day of our walk tomorrow. This country feels unknown and alien to me. I have not even looked at a map as we were following copious way markers and our walk producer and facilitator Rosalind Turner. No towns or other markers, only the river to remind me this is the sacred Thames, the river I grew up in the shadow of half a century ago. TS Eliot's words from his ‘Four Quartets’ have been circling round my head these past two days..."Sweet Thames, run softly till I end my song. Sweet Thames, run softly, for I speak not loud or long." Shantih, Shantih, Shantih.

Satish by Sacred River Thames. Photo, Debby Badger

20th September

We gathered in a circle holding lighted candles by The Thames, around forty of us now, still in our orange 'One Earth, One Humanity, One Future' T-shirts. They were getting slightly grubbier and we with them. Satish spoke to us about the five elements - earth, wind, fire, water and the fifth - IMAGINATION. This really struck me - imagination being an element...the one that weaves the other four together. This felt radical and deeply important. I'd never heard him say this before... And I thought after the time I've spent listening to him in conversation during the making of our DVD documentary series for twelve hours, that I'd heard it all. I tucked this new revelation away like a squirrel burying an Autumn acorn. We walked past numerous locks and weirs, the Thames curving and widening as the day went on.

There were still so many people on the walk I'd still not had the chance to speak to. I discovered by chance that one of the walkers was Sandra, who'd I'd first met in India, from Australia - we'd done Satish's Gandhi & Globalisation course together which also featured the incredible Vandana Shiva, in 2011. We had a lot to catch up on…

 Photo, Fern Smith

Autumn is most definitely in the air, sloes on the trees as well as bright red hips and haws. We single filed it in silence along the river, all of us stretched out over perhaps half a mile. After lunch Satish spoke about spiritual ecology. Lovely to see his son Muchti on his left and His wife June on his right. All of us sitting on the grass, completing the circle with a multitude of tiny frogs jumping around before us. "Non violence is not just a tactic but a way of life". After, a chance to speak with Rosalind the walk organiser as we walked together, she'd worked with Satish over the past eight years on his Earth Pilgrim courses, we shared stories of organising walks and walkers, "like herding cats", my parter Phil would say. Mid-afternoon a few of us jumped into the Thames and had a glorious swim in its green reedy waters, one patient swan looking steadily on at our activities. A walk and talk with Satish after, initially talking about DVD practicalities for the forthcoming conference and then sharing thoughts and receiving welcome advice about Emergence’s future. Much to reflect on. Much to consider.

Eleanor & Fern with Satish, photo Sandra de Poi

We arrived at the Eynsham, almost eight miles beyond our start that morning in Newbridge around 5.30pm. A cuppa or pint at the pub before various departures and then goodbyes til tomorrow. My good friend Will Tooby and I walked the mile to our overnight accommodation, The Swan in Shifford. Friendly, clean, basic. A small, sleepy village, well-heeled and leafy. A curry at the lovely local Bay Leaf and chat to the staff about our walk and Satish, doing our bit to spread the word about the 'R50' walk. Homeward to our pub and a sad and slightly menacing encounter with a smashed and shouting Slav. We tried in a quiet way to neither aggress nor be cowed by him. A sad and complex end to a rich and beautiful day. Worlds collide at this time - the very best of times, the very worst of times.

21st September

Our last days’ gathering place was at The Talbot Inn, Eynsham in readiness for a morning of walking the eight miles into the Oxford. We stood in a circle, lit our candles, dedicating this walk again to the five elements. We paired up and conversations flowed like water. "Be like water" says Satish, quoting The Dao, "water always adapts to the shape of its container. Flow like water. Water has the power to wear down stones and is so soft you can bathe your eyes with it..." Had the most head spinning conversation with Julie Richardson who runs the Economics for Transition Masters at Schumacher College, "the meaning of life is a life of meaning". We spoke about connections between the unmanifest and the manifest. Things so on the edge of our consciousness and central to our deepest passion - her an alchemist of economy and Chinese medicine, me following my way sharing how Emergence has been leading me to things out of my yen, comfort zone and control. The conversation could have continued a lifetime or two. Possibly a project to be hatched. Definitely a deeper connection with a fellow traveler.

Then yet another 'life changing' conversation with William, known fondly to many as Captain W - the former house manager of Schumacher College for the past 27 years. I spoke, rather than he, about my recent three month Walk round Wales (my ‘Grail Quest’ and ‘Fools Errand’) - some insights, something in the talking and something in the power of being listened to. The secrets of my Grail Quest are there still to be discovered. I still don't know what happened but all the elements of an alchemical transformation were and are present and beginning to manifest. I felt a little like a raving crazy but he quoted Jason Bourne when I apologised for talking so much. "It's O.K, I find it relaxing".

A sense that time was running out on us for all our not-yet-had conversations, those we wanted to continue and those we'd not even started. I walked with Francisco, a young and vibrant Costa Rican just finished his Masters at Schumacher, his newly formed trinity for living, "Have fun, be kind and make history".

Satish speaks outside Oxfam, Oxford. Photo, Fern Smith

We dipped our hands in the sacred River Thames as we started to see the city of Oxford approaching. More snippets of conversation and moments to savour as we walked along roadsides, over bridges, and gradually more built-up areas until we arrived at Broad Street, Oxford and Oxfam where Satish was due to give a short talk on the pavement outside. This was the first ever Oxfam shop opened in 1942. He reminded us it was International Peace Day today the 21st September. We gathered round in our four day old, a little grubby now, R50 T-shirts enjoying these last moments of being part of a merry band of pilgrims. We crossed the road into the shockingly beautiful grounds of Balliol College for tea and biscuits and some hellos to new people, goodbyes to some walkers not attending the forthcoming conference, contact swaps and photo moments. Our walk now over. The R50 Resurgence conference still to begin. I could leave now, with another lifetime of inspiration and information to digest but it's only Hasta la Vista til tomorrow...where the Great Transition/New Story/Grand Turning of the 'One Earth, One Humanity, One Future' is gearing up to begin...

(this story is to be continued)

Fern Smith is an artist and creative director of Emergence www.emergence-uk.org.

She is co-director of the Emergence documentary, 'Being an Earth Pilgrim' a six hour landmark documentary series about internationally renowned peace activist Satish Kumar available now from the Resurgence Shop. All proceeds go to Resurgence.

Making Pilgrimage by Lucy Neal

I lived in a house called the Hopgarden for a couple of years as a child. It had a huge garden and I loved it. We only lived there a couple of years before moving on and on the day of the move, I went to school as normal, but realised as I left the house, it would be for the last time ever, as my parents spent the day transporting family life to our new home - actually quite near by.

Leaving the house, I raced back in again and in an improvised fashion marked my farewell to the house by walking steadily down each step of a long, curving staircase, counting as I went, cherishing life lived in the house, sad to go, knowing by instinct honouring, celebrating, paying attention to change was more than important, it was crucial. I think the number (not really the point of the excercise) was 68.

I feel I have been marking my life with such ritualised stepping ever since and walking has been an essential means to this. I spent a week walking Offa’s Dyke to kneel at my mother’s grave after she died: it was the first time I absorbed fully into my whole heart and soul, that she had gone. I walk around Tooting Bec Common every day to watch chestnut trees explode into bobbing white candles; I have had the grandest of privileges of participating in not one, but two of Emergence’s Land Journies: one in a graceful ellipsis around Machynlleth, north to Cader Idris and one along the open-hearted paths of the Gower Way. Both, marked enormous changes in my life: a growing awareness of a role I might have to play in the historic shifts our societies must make by the minute, by the day in service to life on Earth for the next millenias - cherishing, honouring, celebrating the life that dwells in the thin, rich, layer of our biospere.

Sometimes change is happening to us and we are not fully aware of it, but we pick up a few signals here and there that seed themselves for future provisioning in our lives. When I first met Satish Kumar in May 2003, I was co-director of the London International Festival of Theatre. A visionary colleague, Julia Rowntree, had invited Satish’s lifelong friend and co-activist Vandana Shiva to speak at the Natural History Museum on the subject of Biodiversity, cultural diversity and celebration: intimate links and matters of survival. Vandana’s lecture, staged with her audience seated beneath the famous Museum Diplodocus was part of a LIFT Festival series I was responsible for presenting called: Imagining A Cultural Commons. It was a stupendous evening: Peter Sellers made a noble introduction to Vandana who then spoke - without notes - for an hour or so. She pointed to the botanic plants painted on the tiles on the ceiling and made the connection between bio-diversity, cultural diversity and art’s role in survival on the planet. She ended by saying ‘..we don’t want to go the way of him’ pointing to the dinosaur. I listened to every word  but was possibly too embroiled with the intense, busy and immensely rewarding activity of running a wonderful festival, to listen with my whole heart and body. That took a few more years, and co-incided with my second meeting with Satish when I spent a residential week at Schumacher College. Standing one night with my back against the grand chestnut tree, something cracked within me: the vastness of space, my immeasurable smallness of lifespan, my sadness at the unwellness of the Earth and lack of certainty about how future generations and species could thrive, all collided in me.

From then on, my stepping has been more careful about how to live with the universe and let it act upon me and one day, I’d like to go on a pilgramage to mark such stepping. Where would I go? what would I go on pilrimage for? What would be risked? what changed? to what end? Having just finished a long, big project, writing Playing for Time - Making Art As If The World Mattered,  I am not 100% sure at this moment. I need to wait around on street corners, looking, observing, kind of hanging about for a while, picking up the signals, looking backwards and forwards.

"As we step into a new geological age of a four billion year process on Earth, called the 'anthropocene', it is hard to imagine as humans we are accountable for reimagining our world on behalf of ourselves, subsequent generations and all species. We need celebratory social spaces to look backwards and forwards in time, where our collective knowledge, intuition and a sense of wonder at what is possible can come together."

Satish’s pilgrimage from India has been a huge inspiration, not simply the miles of walking, and the engagement with intention and action along the way, but the knowledge gained about how the universe provides for us, if we trust it. We can travel openly, trusting in what uncertainty brings: we can let the universe act on and through us.  We can create the social, celebratory spaces. The conversation between Satish and Jane Davidson will provide a very grand one of these and I shall listen to every word, with heart and soul.

In the meantime, I take smaller walks, building into a grown up, intentional pilgrimage - or maybe not! maybe the daily, smaller walks are indeed a pilgrimage of their own. Each step, each day. Today I went for a walk near my father’s home in Wales. Campion in the sun; bluebells, dandelions and hawthorn peeping: the joy, the energy, the spring in the universe. I noticed numbers printed on the sheep’s backs - animals stamped as man’s possessions.  A lamb jumped about: 68 printed in red on its back, jogging my thoughts about what it is to belong to an abundantly rich world of all living things and journey through it.

Emergence is crowdfunding to make a landmark documentary series of 6 programmes with Satish Kumar. To find out more, contribute or pre-order your copy of the limited edition DVD box set click on this link.

Playing for Time - Making Art As If The World Mattered

Is published by Oberon Books

http://oberonbooks.com/playing-for-time

Promotion code: ONPFT2015 valid until June 30